Crash and Burn
by DOJ
Summary: Kurt muses on the effects of mainstream while Amanda muses on Kurt. Songfic to "Crash and Burn" KURMANDA


**A/N:** Hey all After months of working only on my Lily and James fic, I've decided it's time to write another X-men one. Since Evolution is currently off the air over here, my muse hasn't been cooperating with my mind and I'm finding it hard to work on any long term Evo fics, thus being the reason to my many one-shot song fics. This is a couple I've never really worked with before, but I thought I'd give it a shot. Seeing as how X-men Evolution was taken off the air at the end of the second season, I was never given a chance to watch "Mainstream" but reading the transcripts gave me the idea for this fic. Since I haven't seen the episode, please go easy on me for any minor mistakes relating to the episode or third/fourth seasons.

This fic takes place during the day of "Mainstream" focusing mainly on Kurt and Amanda. Since I want this story to be my own, and not a complete copy of "Mainstream" I'm changing a few of the lines between Kurt and Amanda, just to make it flow faster and to incorporate some of my own ideas.

**Additional Note:** This was originally a songfic but due to ffnets recent rampage against lyrical stories I've deleted all the lyrics . . . therefore it probably sucks, but what can you do? Anyway, the story was _inspired_ by the Savage Garden's "Crash and Burn".

Disclaimer: I do not own Kurt, Amanda, or any of the other X-men (though I wouldn't mind owning Scott or Lance) nor do I own the plot of "Mainstream" so any lines you recognize are from that episode.

Thanks to M. R. Benner for the Transcripts of Mainstream!

Enjoy and please review!

**XxX**

Amanda Sefton had kept her eye trained on Kurt throughout the day, watching his every move, listening to every forced laugh, noticing every strained smile, inwardly inquiring herself each time he avoided contact with a fellow X-men; for the life of her, Amanda could not understand what had possessed her boyfriend. As the bell rang, signaling the end of class and beginning of lunch, Amanda shoved her history book into her bag, intent on catching Kurt before he could escape another confrontation.

Fending her way through the river of swarming students, Amanda felt a slow smile creep across her face as she caught site of Kurt pulling a red notebook from his disheveled locker. No matter what Kurt was going through, Amanda would always love him, she could tell this by the way looking at him made her feel. As Kurt gave a supposedly casual wave to a friend down the hall, Amanda felt herself running towards him, and before she knew it she had thrown her arms around him. "Kurt! I've been looking all over for you!" The words spilled from her mouth in a frenzied rush. "How are you holding up after-" Kurt held up a hand, stemming the flow of her words.

"Amanda! It's nice to see you." Kurt favored her with an attempted smile, and dragged her around the corner, quickly shooting furtive glances as if to assure himself that no one else was around.

"What are you doing?" Amanda cast a searching look upon the boy. "What's going on?"

"Uh, nothing. Uh, not a thing." Kurt muttered, jamming his hand anxiously into his pocket and rewarding Amanda with another fake grin. "Everything is absolutely fine a-and-"

Amanda placed on hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow at Kurt, not buying any of his charade. What could possess her boyfriend to act in such a strange manner? "Kurt?"

He sighed heavily, hanging his head in shame, as he whispered, "I'm not ready to be exposed as a mutant." As Amanda looked up at him in surprise, a questioning look still in her eyes, Kurt took her hand and led her down the hall away from the other students. "They don't realize I'm the fuzzy one." Seeing the disbelieving expression gracing his girlfriend's face, Kurt reluctantly launched into explanation. "Being normal is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I just can't give it up yet."

Amanda observed Kurt's morose visage, barely willing herself to believe the words he had spoken. Since when had being normal been all that matter to Kurt? How could being thought of as normal, being accepted for something that he was not, be better than the acceptance that she had shown him? Acceptance, and love, despite his appearance. Wasn't knowing that someone could love him for who he really was be any less than being accepted for a false identity? Tears stung Amanda's eyes as she felt her heart plummet into some bottomless pit of depression within herself. "What about standing by your friends?" Amanda knew how they must feel, being thrown out for the price of being accepted by those who would never really know Kurt, she knew the feeling of wanting to die rather than not being wanted. "Don't they matter at all? Don't I matter?" Her words came out in a whisper, barely audible above the storm of chatting students, but she couldn't help feeling fairly certain that, despite all the travesty, Kurt had heard them.

"Uh, yeah," Kurt averted his eyes, a leaden feeling filling his heart. "I'm sure they'll be alright." And with that, Kurt gave one last fleeting glance to Amanda before allowing himself to be pulled into the current of flowing students, pulling him into their world or normality.

**XxX**

Amanda wanted to be there for Kurt, she wanted to be the one he ran to when he was in pain, the one he confided in when his troubles were more than he could bear alone, Amanda wanted to be the one he came to when he needed to crash, to let him know that no matter how alone he felt, he could never be truly alone with her. But now Amanda was the one who needed to crash, but she had no one to turn to. She couldn't confide in Rhia, her best friend, the one who had mentioned to Kurt that Amanda liked him, in any case Rhia was the one Amanda could turn to, any case with the exception of this one. Rhia didn't know Kurt was a mutant, and Amanda was not about to reveal a secret that wasn't hers to tell. Amanda wanted to turn to Kurt, she wanted to run to him and let him hold her as she broke down, but her troubles were because of Kurt, and he would not allow her to destroy the wall he was building around himself, his shelter from abnormality. Amanda needed to crash, and to crash badly, but without anyone there for her Amanda feared that she would crash and burn.

**XxX**

Kurt sighed as he hugged himself against the building, trying to squelch the guilty feelings arising in his stomach. He'd seen Duncan roughing up Scott and he'd seen Rogue and Kitty come to his rescue like real friends should. In any case, that's what Kurt should have done, stood by his friend 'till the end. Scott had always been Kurt's best friend, and it hurt to see him in pain, but Kurt couldn't concentrate on those matters now, to him, all that mattered was making it through the day without any mishaps or discoveries as to his mutation. 'But what are you going to do tonight? They're not exactly going to welcome you back to the Institute.' A nagging voice echoed through is mind. 'They have to,' his less rational side pleaded, the one currently ruling his body, 'they have to understand that this is what's best for me.' Before a full out schizophrenic argument could break out between him and his conscience, Kurt noticed two forms approaching behind him.

"Hey," a boy Kurt recognized by site but not by name had made his way across the quad. "Don't you live at that mutant place too?"

"Huh?" Kurt plastered a perplexed look on his face, trying his best sound convincing, "Oh, no, no, no."

"But you're friends with the mutants, right?" the boy glared accusingly.

"Uh . . . " Kurt searched his mind frantically, trying to buy himself time, "Vell . . . I used to be. I uh. . . listen, I'm late for class." He backed away, turning to find himself facing a dejected Kitty.

Kitty crossed her arms, clearing her throat as Rogue stood glaring beside her. "'Used to be?' Thanks, Kurt."

"Oh! Uh, hello, Kitty! Bye, Kitty! Uh, busy, busy!" With that, Kurt whirled away, waving carelessly at them as he felt himself sinking deeper and deeper into his lie. Was being normal really worth the loss of his friends? He hadn't meant for things to go this far, he'd never meant to hurt the X-men, but for some reason unbeknownst to him, he couldn't stop denying his relations to them. Memories of old Catholic stories where Peter (a/n: Simon Peter?) denied Jesus three times came flooding into his mind, sending another surge of guilt through is veins. "This isn't the same thing," Kurt muttered to himself, willing himself to believe in another of his lies as he attempted to quell the guilt. But the guilt would never completely leave for Kurt knew, deep down, that this was exactly the same, no matter how hard he tried to deny it, he was betraying the only people who had ever mattered to him.

**XxX**

The day ended in a mixture of fear and torment for the X-men, in fact, their pain hadn't ceased since the moment they first stepped into the building. Kitty had been right in fearing the return to school, but as the five highschoolers strolled down the stone steps that afternoon, they couldn't help feeling a sense of loss within them. Not only had they lost their "normal" friends from before, but each one of them felt that they had lost something much more, and each one of them knew without speaking, that all were thinking of the demise of Kurt. Not that there had been any end to Kurt, but they each knew that Kurt no longer wanted a part in their mutated lives, he wanted to continue to live the life of his dreams.

For Kurt the day had also ended in pain, but he had not lost just one friend, he had lost six. Scott, Jean, Kitty, Rogue, and Evan were hurt by the rejection he'd shown towards them, the denial in their friendships, and Kurt had never regretted anything more than the partial loss of those five friends, except for maybe the loss of Amanda. Amanda has been the first to accept him for who he was without having a secret of her own. Sure, Scott and Jean had accepted him from the moment they met, but part of Kurt believed this was because of the mutations that they themselves had to face, mutations that set them apart from the world, especially Scott who could never hide it as well as the others. But Amanda, Amanda had accepted his appearance without any implication or feeling of owed debt on her part. Amanda had accepted Kurt for who he was because she loved him, and in him choosing a normal life over his friends, Kurt felt as though the one he loved had lost all respect for him. With a heavy heart, Kurt allowed his thoughts to wander back to Amanda. She'd always been there for him, ever since she'd first discovered his secret; Amanda had never let him down. Amanda was the one Kurt could come to in order to crash and burn fore Amanda would always ensure his rise from the ashes. But that was before Kurt's uncouth betrayal, would Amanda still be willing to have him?

Jumping down the stone steps, Kurt caught site of Amanda chatting animatedly with her friends, Rhia and Melissa. Knowing that Amanda most likely hadn't relayed her falling out with Kurt to her friends, and knowing she wouldn't bluntly ignore him with her friends watching, Kurt shouted out her name, gave her a cheery wave, and meandered over to her. Giggling slightly at the approach of Kurt, Melissa and Rhia sent Amanda all-knowing smiles and bid their farewells. Calling good-bye to her friends, Amanda turned to Kurt, her face void of any expression. The smiles and laughter, Kurt realized, had all been a farce, an act for her friends so they wouldn't see the overwhelming pain within her. No matter how expressionless she may appear, Kurt couldn't fail to see the hurt in her eyes, the hurt she had failed to completely hide. At that moment, looking deep into Amanda's pleading eyes, Kurt felt all his defenses fall and he enveloped her in a heart shattering hug. "I'm so sorry."

**XxX**

Within half an hour from their departure of school, Kurt and Amanda found themselves wandering handin-hand around the overlook of Bayville. "Amanda," Kurt whispered, "I'm scared, afraid of how people vill treat me vhen they find that I'm a mutant. I've spent my whole life trying to hide it, trying to be normal, I don't' know if I'm ready to throw that avay."

"Kurt, your friends are going through this alone while you're still hiding."

Kurt shook is head, "They've got each other. Besides, vhen people look at them they don't see a freak, a monster."

"Kurt," Amanda chided him softly, "why not give people the benefit of doubt? I didn't' treat you any differently once I discovered what you are, chances are others won't either." She looked at his disbelieving expression with pity in her eyes. "There's a rally in the auditorium tonight, go and be there for your friends. This will all pass over eventually, you'll see, and when it does, people will see you for who you are inside. Things will go back to normal, one day," Kurt looked up at Amanda, his inky black eyes begging to believe. "One day," she murmured softly, her fingers grazing Kurt's cheek, feeling the fur beneath the hologram, "One day the heartache and pain will be gone. But until that day comes, your friends need you."

**XxX**

By seven that evening, concerned parents from ever corner of Bayville came pouring into the school's auditorium, eager to voice their fears in the rally. Among the pupils and parents, a puzzled Jean was hurriedly speaking in hushed tones with Professor Xavier, debating their plan of action. Kurt Wagner, after hesitantly leaving his girlfriend, had plastered himself against inconspicuously against the back wall where he could observe the conference without confrontation. The other X-men had yet to arrive, each one dreading the conference in their own way, for their own reasons.

As Jean approached the podium, her spine straight with confidence, the grim set of her lips displaying her determination, Kurt had a sudden feeling that Amanda had been right after all, things would be okay. Eyes wandering over the crowded auditorium, Kurt noticed just how many parents were being touched by Jean's speech, every couple chairs or so, another parent would wipe tears away from their eyes, a sign that Jean was reaching them. Kurt allowed himself a tiny smile as Jean gave her thanks to the audience and began her removal from the podium, but before either of them could rejoice at the impact of the speech, the room began to shake, and the ceiling began to collapse.

"Oh, great. Avalanche." Kurt muttered, as the hope within him diminished. Kurt ran to the entrance of the auditorium, following the crowds of panicked people, and found himself standing next to Jean on the school steps, watching as the Brotherhood terrorized the X-men and townspeople.

"We have to do something!" Jean moaned, sending a panicked glance in Kurt's direction. Watching a car come sailing towards two frightened parents, Kurt gave up his inner battle of whether or not he should use his powers, revealing him as a mutant, and teleported to them, teleporting them to safety as the car smashed against the wall.

As the battle continued, the X-men giving into their powers to save the panicked townspeople, the Brotherhood fled the turmoil, leaving disaster in their wake. The townspeople muttering in disapproval and confusion, Kurt tentatively made his way towards where the X-men had congregated around the entrance to the auditorium, unsure of whether or not they were still willing to accept him.

Catching site of Kurt, Kitty grabbed his wrist, holding his image-inducer high in the air. "Why don't you shut this off and dazzle them with the real you?" she stared accusingly at him.

"Eheh," he pulled his wrist back, "One step at a time."

**XxX**

"Amanda," Kurt spoke into the phone the next morning, a slight smile tugging at his lips, "The Professor just spoke vith us."

"And?" Amanda asked eagerly on the other end.

"The school board said they vant to velcome us back." A full out smile had now bloomed across his face as his girlfriend shrieked into the phone.

"Kurt! That's wonderful!"

"Jah, jah, it really is." Kurt's tone took another turn, "Amanda, I, uh, I vanted to thank you, for being there yesterday, for alvays being there. And I just vanted to say, that I vas wrong, vhen I said that being normal was the best thing that had ever happened to me."

"Oh?" Kurt could hear the smile in Amanda's voice, causing himself to smile in return.

"Jah, you see, the best thing that's ever happened to me, vas you."

**XxX**

A/N: Well, I hope that was alright, I didn't like the part second to the end to much, but hey, I'm only human.


End file.
